Does Failure Make You Unacceptable?

Feelings of failure often plague those who have grown up or are growing up in a dysfunctional, hurtful home. No matter how much you achieve or succeed, there is a constant desire to do or be more. When there is actual failure in some area, there is a disproportionate amount of self-condemnation. When there is actual success, the requirements change, and instead of rejoicing in your success, you burden yourself new requirements. The constant striving and feelings of failure continue.

You demand perfection of yourself to prove your worth to yourself, to someone else, or to God. I have news for you, my friend: God accepts you as you are, knowing you are already perfect in Christ. Your failures are hid in Christ. You have nothing to prove to God. When you fail in your human frailty, God still sees you as perfect and therefore loves you perfectly. 

For by one offering he hath perfected for ever them that are sanctified.                 {Hebrews 10:14}

Being made holy, or "sanctified," is a process of Christian growth which is achieved through applying God's Word to all areas of your life. As you accept the discipline and guidance Christ provides and as you give Him control of your desires, goals, and will, you become more like Christ. The sanctification process is born out of your love for Christ, not because you must prove yourself perfect to be accepted. If you have accepted Christ as your Savior, you are perfect in God's eyes, despite the failure of your flesh.

The Apostle Peter failed in his flesh, but God saw him as perfect in Christ. He used Peter to evangelize the Gentiles and two write two books of the Bible.

David failed in his flesh, but God saw his repentance and used him to lead the nation of Israel. God called David "a man after my own heart." David was loved and accepted, not in spite of his sin, but without any regard to it.

God's grace doesn't look at your sins and failures, nor does it look at your good deeds, your "perfection." It looks only on the merit of Jesus Christ.

Grace means we become worthy before we are worthy.

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Overcoming Shame

Shame is the feeling or belief that something is fundamentally wrong with you. Feelings of shame can rule your life if you have been influenced by hurtful, unhealthy relationships. Shame can consume you when you focus on other people's negative opinions of you to the point where you believe them over God's opinion of you.

God created us with the emotion of shame to help us live by biblically based standards. God wants you to feel shame when you choose to violate His standards. That's how He created us. You should feel shame when you lie, cheat, steal, hurt someone, or act immorally. However, don't confuse shame with guilt. Guilt is legitimate shame designed to bring us to repentance. Shame is a distorted form of guilt where we feel  responsible for the sinful actions of others. Perhaps someone belittled you, violated you, threatened you, or blamed you for a something for which you were not responsible. Sadly, most people who have experienced those types of situations assume responsibility for the other person's sin and carry the shame of that sin for years (sometimes indefinitely). 

{ Guilt is about what you have done. Shame is about who you are. }

Shame causes feelings of embarrassment about things that should not cause embarrassment. Some examples of this would be:

• For being sick or hurting.
• For being alive.
• For needing to talk to someone about a problem.
• For wanting to feel loved and appreciated.
• For wanting to feel significant. 
• For needing to ask for help.
• For letting someone help you.

Shame often leads to depression. Depression results when we meditate on the circumstances of our lives in an unbiblical way. 

How is depression fueled by shame?

• Shame tells you you are guilty.
• Shame causes you to feel you have to "work off the dirt" or the weight of guilt over sin that wasn't yours to begin with.
• Shame causes self-pity.
• Shame takes your joy.
• Shame brings hostility and bitterness.
• Shame hinders your view of God.
• Shame causes you to reject relationships, even your relationship with God, because you feel you are not worthy of love or acceptance. 

God gives special promises in His Word about relief from shame.

Let none that wait on thee be ashamed: let them be ashamed which transgress without cause. {Psalm 25:3}

I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears. They looked unto him, and were lightened: and their faces were not ashamed. {Psalm 34:4-5}

Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded, for thou shalt not be put to shame... {Isaiah 54:4} 

Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. {Hebrews 12:2} 

Crucifixion was the most painful and humiliating form of execution in ancient times. When Christ died on the cross, He despised the shame that kind of death brought. He rejected it because He knew He was innocent. He can help you reject the shame, the depression, the false guilt that comes from shouldering the burden of sins that are not yours to bear.

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